Shiver & Savor

In a few days, I will be airborne on my way to walk the Camino de Santiago (the way of St. James) with my friends Sue and Pete. The Camino de Santiago refers to a series of ancient Christian pilgrimages across Europe leading to the Cathedral Santiago de Compostela in Spain where the remains of the apostle St. James the Great are reportedly entombed.

We plan to walk the Camino Portugues from the city of Porto, Portugal to the Cathedral Santiago de Compostela in the Galicia region of Spain. From there we will continue onto the Atlantic Ocean or the End of the World as it was known in medieval times because it literally was viewed as the end of the world. Total mileage for the pilgrimage will be close to 250 miles by the time we reach the waters of the Atlantic Ocean, and it will take us approximately three weeks to complete.

Sue is a retired schoolteacher, and Pete is a pilot for a major airline after serving in the United States Air Force and Air National Guard. Last year they completed the Camino Santiago’s most popular route that begins in France and makes its way across Spain to the Cathedral Santiago de Compostela. When I heard they were planning a return trip to walk the Portuguese route, I asked if I could tag along.

Amy’s friendship with Sue dates back to their days in middle and high school. Their posse at Milwaukee’s Pulaski High School is legendary. Sue was one of Amy’s bridesmaids in our wedding in 1989. Their lives took them on a very different path from ours as Pete’s career required them to move from assignment to assignment in the military. They were finally able to come home to the Milwaukee area in 1999 when Pete joined the Wisconsin Air National Guard’s 128^th Air Refueling Wing based at Mitchell Field and his subsequent transition to becoming a commercial pilot.

It was extremely kind of them to include me in their plans for this adventure. Portugal was always high on our list of travel destinations that Amy and I wanted to visit in retirement. I grow emotional as I think about leaving for this trip without Amy by my side. She was always the one of us with the adventurous spirit. She had no fear of new experiences and meeting new people.

As this trip fast approaches, I shiver with excitement and anxiety at the same time. It will be another giant leap out of my comfort zone. Go big or go home as the saying goes. It is not a small undertaking for me to leave the comfort of the familiar. I also worry how the torn meniscus in my left knee will hold up as I walk the backroads of Portugal from town to town. My lack of any language skills also puts me on edge.

Walking the Camino on any route is supposed to be an opportunity for self-reflection and the discovery of a deeper understanding of oneself. Pilgrims greet others on their journeys by saying “Buen Camino!” which means “Good Way” or “Well may you fare.” I have been told that one of the questions I will be asked frequently by other pilgrims is “Why are you walking the Camino?”

I am at a loss for an answer to this question. For the past three years, I have forged ahead with my new life with little idea of how to proceed other than to just make it through another day. My goal has been, and continues to be, to find a little joy each day and spread some too if I can. All so that I can get back up the next morning and try to do it again. I am proud of the progress I have made and continue to make. At times, it seemed like my progress was glacial, but I have felt a positive shift in my mindset since returning from Utah.

But the answer to the question “Why are you walking the Camino?” remains the same as the question “What should I do with the rest of my life?”

“I don’t know yet.”

I hope this answer does not come across as flippant or smug. I’ve truly struggled to answer both of these questions. As for the Camino, I am not sure I am even doing this for myself.

Either way, my path is clear. I am going to savor the opportunity to spend three plus weeks on an adventure with friends despite my fears and insecurities. They have supported and encouraged me and have gifted me an opportunity to seek joy by facing this challenge.

Perhaps the whole point of this adventure, and of life, is to shiver and savor at the same time. Something to ponder as I slowly make my way toward the Cathedral Santiago de Compostela. Buen Camino!

Note: Over the past three years, I have published a reflection diligently every two weeks. It is time for me to take a small break to both walk the Camino and to also promote My Joy Journey with Amy. I am sure I will have a reflection or two to share after I return home, but I wouldn’t count on a regular schedule again until later in the year. Please choose and spread joy every day.