A Toast

Every time I contemplate Carson and Hayley’s wedding, my eyes begin to mist up. Partly with happiness, but also sadness that Amy will not be physically present on this special day. But I know deep down that her spirit will be with us celebrating, smiling, dancing, and laughing.

A few days ago, I began to write drafts for my toast to them, but quickly discarded most of them. I just couldn’t find the right words.

For some reason, the next morning, I was drawn to Amy’s nightstand. It has remained relatively undisturbed for the past two years with her stack of books on top untouched, her tambourine tucked into the cabinet, and her various journals scattered below.

I smiled when I saw the journals. Amy always had a desire to journal about our lives and would often jot notes to herself. She would keep up the effort for a few days or a couple weeks before the demands on her time as a mother or work commitments caused her to abandon them.

I opened one at random; not sure if I was ready for my grief to be triggered. I flipped the journal open to a section where she had documented an exercise from a Valentine’s Day couples retreat we had attended in the late 90’s. In the exercise we had been assigned to write new wedding vows to each other now that our lives were busy with raising a family (three under five years of age) and pursuing our respective careers.

The memory of the retreat flooded my mind. We attended with our good friends, Tom & Peggy and Dave & Carol. As I read our new vows to each other from that weekend, I realized they would make a perfect toast to Hayley & Carson with sentiments straight from both Amy and I.

Thank you, Love, for helping me find the right words.

 Love is one of life’s greatest gifts. Tonight, we have gathered  to celebrate Carson and Hayley’s love for each other, to bind our respective families together in support of them, and to send them forward into their new lives together.

A toast to Carson & Hayley.

May you support each other as individuals but live with each other as partners

May you be partners in teaching and learning from each other

May you share life’s journey and laugh, cry, celebrate, and love together

May you accomplish great things together each day                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   May you love each other when . . .

• The world is swirling around you
• When you are tired and exhausted
• When you have those precious moments of solitude and peace together
• When you are separated by circumstances beyond your control
• When life’s challenges inevitably confront your lives
• When you wake every morning and lie down to sleep each night

May you honor each other

• when you disagree
• when you need support
• when you at your weakest
• when you are at your strongest
• when you sacrifice for each other and your family

 May you love and honor each other all the days of your lives.

Cheers.